Well, it’s been over a week now and I haven’t yet posted. What did I say long ago, I was bad at this sort of stuff? I wasn’t lying. So if I wanted to fill you in on every little thing it would take a very long time and you’d get very bored and wouldn’t end up reading it all. So I’ll try to not do that. In short, the main lesson I’ve learned these past 10 days is that El Camino De Santiago is a lot like life – it’s got a lot of ups and downs. It’s a lot like my depression – it’s got a lot of very high highs and very low lows. And like both those things, somehow, I just keep on keeping on.
So I started out strong from St. Jean Pied de Port and over the Pyrenees that grueling first day. Met some awesome people. Had a good meal with them at the end of the day. Had a great walk the next day and another good meal at night. And then things began to fall apart. You see, Spain is hot. Really hot. I underestimated Spain’s hotness, or rather how that heat would affect Maverick. We can’t walk as I would if I was on my own. Maverick needs to stop and lay in some shade. He needs to lay down in every stream, river, puddle of mud(much to my dismay knowing I’m the one sharing a tent with him that night) that he comes across. We fall behind other’s pace. And then Maverick’s little 11 month old puppy body gets tired. We can’t walk as long as other people. And we can’t stay where they stay because Maverick isn’t allowed most times. It’s been isolating. Because as much as I love my boy, he doesn’t exactly crack a joke to make you laugh when you’re on the very of panicking. Nah, he’s off chasing bugs when you’re busy bawling your eyes out because you’ve gotten yourself lost at 4am in the middle of a wheat field.
So there have been lows. And more lows. And endless tears. And phone calls home asking my mom why the heck I thought I could do this. Why I thought this was a good idea. What I should do. But you know what it all comes down to? Only I have answers to those things. Someone else, as much as I beg and plead for them to, can’t tell me what to do. So in a way, being alone on this journey is a good thing. It’s teaching me, giving me no choice really, to see that this life? This life is mine. And I need to own it.
I think I wanted so much to be in control. To have an idea of what I was getting into. To have a kind of plan. But the reality of this journey is…I got nothing. This is God’s plan. God brought me here. This is His Way. It’s my journey with Him. And so tomorrow, Maverick and I set out again from Logroño after our (much needed) hiatus. But this time, we go with a new attitude. I’ve surrendered to God’s will. He will guide us and walk with us and show us His way, and whatever comes at us, I know we can handle.
There’s much Truth here. The hard lessons and the letting go will make the rest of your life more meaningful. “Plan everything” is a fallacy that we perpetrate on the young. Plan away, but the one thing we all need to remember is our plans only work if God thought of them first
God never gives you anything you can’t handle
I think you have learned a very important, life lesson. Putting it in God’s hands and let that guide you. I’m sorry it’s been a lonely week but you have your boy and from your pictures, the most incredible memories. Remember, this is your story and you’re owning it.